More phrases and expressions

[ozzy72]

Something old and something new....

*Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
*Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
*Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
*Do pilots take crash-courses?
*Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
*Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
*Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
*Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
*Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
*If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor and why do bars have parking lots?
*Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
*Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
*How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
*Why is the word abbreviation so long?
*How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
*Since Americans throw rice at weddings do Orientals throw hamburgers?
*Why are they called buildings, when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
*Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
*Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
*Why do you ask someone without a watch what time it is?
*If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff?
*If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
*If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
*I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
*What would we have called the color orange if it weren't a fruit?
*After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
*If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
*Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?
*Is there another word for synonym?
*Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
*Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
*If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
*A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
*Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
*For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
*No one is listening until you make a mistake

[Jared]

*Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, but only to be troubled and insecure?

I believe they tried this on mythbusters and found that the yelling actualy produced marginally better plants!

[Romulus111VADT]

*If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
*A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
*Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
*For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
*No one is listening until you make a mistake

Man, all these sound like the military....

[Saitek]

I liked the ones you selected too Romulous.

[BFMF]

Good ones Mark!

[H]

I may be able to help with a select few but some just bring up more questions:
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Unfortunately, they're most always part of them.
Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
They're looking for their hand perchance they have any time on it.
If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away?
The majority go with the fad; also, if you're going to have an accident, why be surrounded by strangers?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Perhaps due to another scientific deduction: things tend to revert to their original state.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose
That's actually more hopeful; she may have said it was way too late!
What would we have called the color orange if it weren't a fruit?
Anything strange -- it's too easy to rhyme "yed" or "rellow"
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If he succeeds, is it a mass-murder?
Is there another word for synonym?
You mean, like a verbal alias?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
The angrier you get while stuck in it, the more the blood will rush.
No one is listening until you make a mistake
Not usually true; no matter what you're excuse, they'll rarely be listening then.

Sorry that I haven't been entirely helpful with many of these.