Controller to aircraft that just landed: "Bear right, next intersection"
Pilot: "Roger, we have him in sight"
(Transmission as a DC-10 rolls out long after a fast landing...)
San Jose Tower: American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off of Highway 101 back to the airport.
747 on final approach at 1000' off the deck. First Officer asks Captain "Are you happy with the position of the landing gear, sir?" Captain reaches down, lowers the gear and lands safely.
British Airways flight asks for push back clearance from terminal.
Control Tower replies: "And where is the world's most experienced airline going today without filing a flight plan?"
"Air Force '45, it appears your engine has...oh, disregard...I see you've already ejected."
Pilot's Prayer:
When my flying days are over
And from this life I pass.....
I hope they bury me upside down
So the FAA can kiss my A**