When her husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days. Then slowly the house began to smell. They tried everything; cleaning and mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents, carpets were steamed cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid for to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit ... repairmen refused to work in the house ... the maid quit ... Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out, and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls. Finally they had to borrow a large sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.
The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back ... knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed to the price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth ... but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour, his lawyer delivered the paperwork.
A week later, the man and his new girlfriend stood smirking as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home ...
...including the curtain rods.
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had set their new wives straight on their duties.
The first man had married a woman from Pennsylvania and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and clean everything that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from West Virginia. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, cooking and dishes. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Tennessee girl. He boasted that he told her his house was to be cleaned, dishes washed, the cooking done and laundry washed. And this was all her responsibility. He said the first day he didn't see anything and the second day he didn't see anything, but by the third day some of the swelling had gone down so he could see a little out of his left eye!
A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then he asks the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that one, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and asks the bartender to bring another double martini.
The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill."
The man replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
;D ;D
