When you know you're going to fail...
Posted: Fri May 07, 2004 6:57 pmHere's what to do when you know you're going to fail that next test in school...
Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
Bring cheerleaders.
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
Bring pets.
On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
Bring cheerleaders.
Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. etc..).
Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up! For math/science exams, try using Roman numerals.
Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
Bring pets.
On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
