EU standard language
Posted: Wed Feb 04, 2004 9:09 amThe european union commisioners have anounced that an agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preffered language for European comunications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (or Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertanly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in languag is digrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by the leter "z" and "w" by "v".
During yer 5, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd, from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.
As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (or Euro for short).
In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertanly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replased by "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.
In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always been a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in languag is digrasful, and they would go.
By the fourth year, peopl will be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by the leter "z" and "w" by "v".
During yer 5, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd, from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.
