Raise Request
Posted: Wed Sep 17, 2003 10:54 pmSubject: Raise Request
>
>
> >> I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following
> >> reasons:
> >>
> >> I do physical labor.
> >> I work at great depths.
> >> I plunge head first into everything I do.
> >> I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
> >> I work in a damp environment.
> >> I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
> >> I work in high temperatures.
> >> My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >> The Response:
> >>
> >> Dear Penis:
> >> After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
> >> have raised,
> >> the administration rejects your request for the following
> >> reasons:
> >>
> >> You do not work 8 hours straight.
> >> You fall asleep after brief work periods.
> >> You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
> >> You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
> >> visiting other locations.
> >> You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and
> >> stimulated in order to start working.
> >> You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
> >> You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
> >> wearing the correct protective clothing.
> >> You will retire well before you are 65.
> >> You are unable to work double shifts.
> >> >> >>You sometimes leave your designated work area before you
have
> >> completed the assigned task.
> >> And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly
> >> entering and exiting the workplace carrying two
suspicious-looking
bags.
> >>
> >> Sincerely,
> >> The Management
>
>
> >> I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the
following
> >> reasons:
> >>
> >> I do physical labor.
> >> I work at great depths.
> >> I plunge head first into everything I do.
> >> I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
> >> I work in a damp environment.
> >> I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation.
> >> I work in high temperatures.
> >> My work exposes me to contagious diseases.
> >>
> >> ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
> >> The Response:
> >>
> >> Dear Penis:
> >> After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you
> >> have raised,
> >> the administration rejects your request for the following
> >> reasons:
> >>
> >> You do not work 8 hours straight.
> >> You fall asleep after brief work periods.
> >> You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
> >> You do not stay in your designated area and are often seen
> >> visiting other locations.
> >> You do not take initiative, you need to be pressured and
> >> stimulated in order to start working.
> >> You leave your workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
> >> You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as
> >> wearing the correct protective clothing.
> >> You will retire well before you are 65.
> >> You are unable to work double shifts.
> >> >> >>You sometimes leave your designated work area before you
have
> >> completed the assigned task.
> >> And if that were not enough, you have been seen constantly
> >> entering and exiting the workplace carrying two
suspicious-looking
bags.
> >>
> >> Sincerely,
> >> The Management
