ATC Funnies Wanted

[Vic]

Hey everyone, I just thought that it would be cool if we could just try to make up some ATC funnies or maybe say ones that havent been on these posts previously. Just something to do when you are bored. Its pretty easy to make up and well you get the point, something like

Pilot: Im f>cking bored!
ATC: Last transmitting Aircraft Identify yourself immediately!
Pilot: I said Im f>cking bored not Im f>cking stupid!

Or

ATC: KLM222 make right 45 degree turn for noise abatement
KLM222: Sir, we are at 35,000 feet, how much noise can we make up here?
ATC: uhhh, KLM222, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits an A340?

(Yeah I know I didnt make them up and im not taking credit)

[visitor]

N5688P: I'm 50 miles out, 1 gallon of fuel on
board, at 5,000', with severe icing, request
instructions.

ATC: Our Father Who Art in Heaven.................
...................................


Brad

[N10387CG]

ATC:  NWA103 heavy  go around.

NWA103:  to late im touching down

ATC:  NWA103 heavy i repeat go around there is a 757 on the runnway.

NWA103:  I'm very low on fuel I'll take my chances.

ATC:   AA359 clear the runnway imediatly.

AA359:  rolling for takeoff.

ATC:  NWA103 cleared to land just hope you can slow your ass down enough not to hit the 757.

NWA103:  rodger  I'll do my best.

ATC:  AA359 get your ass movin  theres a 747 about to land just behind you.

AA359:  rodger haulin ass down the runnway now.

NWA103:  touchdown at 200 knots.  atemting to slow down.

AA359:  engine failure cant get off the ground.

NWA103:  well than get off the f^cking runnway.

ATC:  NWA103 you are about to hit AA359 SLOW YOUR F^CKING ASS DOW..........

NWA103:  F^ck i think i hit them.

AA359:  Damn strait you did.

ATC:  Sending emergancy crews now.  how are the passengers.

NWA103:  
:o :o :o   :-/ :o ??? :o   :-/ :-/ :'(
:-/ :-/ ???   :o :o :o :o   :-/ :-/ :-/
:-/ :-/ :-/   :o :o :-/ ???   >:( :-/ :'(

AA359:  
:o :o :o   :'( :'( :-/
??? :o :o   :o ??? :-/
>:( >:( >:(   :-/ :-/ :'(

ATC:   :(   Next time i tell someone to go around I F^CKIN MEAN IT >:( .

NWA103 pilots:   :-[ :-[  :(

AA359 pilots:   :o  >:(

Emergancy Crews:   good job dumb asses

[Smoke2much]

N5688P: I'm 50 miles out, 1 gallon of fuel on
board, at 5,000', with severe icing, request
instructions.

ATC: Our Father Who Art in Heaven.................
...................................


Brad

That nearly killed me...  I was drinking a glass of homemade peach wine and I nearly choked.  Good one Brad.

Will

[Polynomial]

In a military exercise in Darwin planes were assigned the name of planets.

The P-3 Orion got dubbed "Uranus"

As the Orion was taxying out the tower asked if it would like a "intermittent departure about halfway down the runway" to which the pilot (completely oblivious) replied "Negative, Uranus requires the full length" which was followed by several minutes of laughter from both parties.  The Orion actually had to stop taxying because the pilots were incapacitated.  The was a stifled "Roger" from the tower. . .

[Mr. Bones]

[quote]ATC: