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Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2003 10:34 am
by goball65
 `    Pilot Gripes                    
After every flight, airline pilots fill out a form related to  problems during that flight.
Airline mechanics then read the form, correct the problem, and respond  in writing on the lower half of the form.                      
Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a  sense of humor.
Here are some actual forms, courtesy of Qantas Airlines  (the only major airline that has never had an accident).            
(P = The Problem logged by the Pilot.)
(S = The Solution and  action taken by the engineers.)                                    
P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.            
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.                        
P: Something loose in cockpit.            
S: Something tightened in cockpit.                        
P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.            
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.                      
P: Dead bugs on windshield.            
S: Sorry. Live bugs are on back-order.                      
P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per  minute descent.            
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.                      
P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.            
S: Evidence removed.                      
P: DME volume unbelievably loud.            
S: DME volume set to more believable level.                      
P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.            
S: That's what they're there for.                      
P: IFF inoperative.            
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.                        
P: Suspected crack in windshield.            
S: Suspect you're right.                        
P: Number 3 engine missing.            
S: After brief search, engine found on right wing.                        
P: Aircraft handles funny.            
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.                        
P: Target radar hums.          
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.                        
P: Mouse in cockpit.            
S: Cat installed.                        
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a  midget  pounding on something          with a hammer.            
S: Took hammer away from midget.  

Re: Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Thu Jul 31, 2003 3:20 pm
by Woodlouse2002
Ahh. I've seen this one before! Many many times infact! :P

Still brings a smile to my face though.

Re: Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Sun Aug 03, 2003 12:39 am
by Polynomial
how old i think it has been posted here before like 1 or 500 times.

Re: Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2003 2:26 am
by BFMF
been posted more times then I can count ::)

Re: Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2003 7:18 pm
by Scottler
Yeah, most people have seen this in their Inbox at least once or twice, but it's still funny.

Re: Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2003 7:19 pm
by chomp_rock
SHUT UP! I don't care how many times this has been posted it is still funny ;D

Re: Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Wed Aug 06, 2003 7:19 pm
by Scottler
Agreed.

Re: Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Thu Aug 07, 2003 9:15 pm
by juan_montoya
theyre called sqwaks

Re: Pilot Gripes

PostPosted: Fri Aug 08, 2003 12:32 am
by joki
Yeah that's right,

why not hearing again very good jokes once a while.
In real life good jokes are being re- told also...

cheers Jochen