QANTAS humour
Posted: Thu Jun 19, 2003 7:58 pm>FROM QANTAS AIRLINES:
>
>After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a
>gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems
>encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
>need repair or correction. The form used is a piece of
>paper on which the pilot completes the top part
>listing the problem, which the mechanics read and then
>respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
>remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the next
>flight of that plane can review the form before taking
>off.
>
>
>
>Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
>lack a sense of humor.
>
>Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
>responses..... with P = the problem logged by the
>pilot, and S = the solution and action taken by
>engineers. (Qantas, by the way, is the only major
>airline that has never had an accident.)
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>
>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>
>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200
>feet per minute descent.
>
>S: Cannot reproduce Problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>
>S: DME volumes set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to Stick.
>
>S: That's what they're there for.
>
>After every Qantas Airlines flight, pilots complete a
>gripe sheet which conveys to the mechanics problems
>encountered with the aircraft during the flight that
>need repair or correction. The form used is a piece of
>paper on which the pilot completes the top part
>listing the problem, which the mechanics read and then
>respond in writing on the lower half of the form what
>remedial action was taken, so the pilot on the next
>flight of that plane can review the form before taking
>off.
>
>
>
>Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers
>lack a sense of humor.
>
>Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and
>responses..... with P = the problem logged by the
>pilot, and S = the solution and action taken by
>engineers. (Qantas, by the way, is the only major
>airline that has never had an accident.)
>
>P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>
>S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
>
>P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>
>S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
>
>P: Something loose in cockpit.
>
>S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
>P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>
>S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
>P: Autopilot in altitude -hold mode produces a 200
>feet per minute descent.
>
>S: Cannot reproduce Problem on ground.
>
>P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>
>S: Evidence removed.
>
>P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>
>S: DME volumes set to more believable level.
>
>P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to Stick.
>
>S: That's what they're there for.
