Simviation Forums

i know you've seen some of tem before....this is not an old post i got these today plus some new ones

[glb]WARNING:[/glb] some of the stuff is OFFENSIVE and aimed in a PHALLIC WAY

lol new word  ::)



I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.

Nice legs.. What time do they open?

Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

You've got 206 bones in your body.. Want one more?

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a BIG BREASTED BED THRASHER. Have you seen one?

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.

Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven?

You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy.

I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue.

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.

My friend wants to know if you think I'm cute?

You. Me. Handcuffs. Whipped cream. Any questions?

You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.

I'd really like to lick apricot brandy out of your navel.

You shouldn't run around looking like that or one of us sex-starved young men might attack you.

Why don't you surprise your roommate and not come home tonight?

Do you believe in love at first sight? How about the synchronocity of multiple orgasms?

I've just recieved government funding for a four-hour expedition to find your G-spot.

Hey babe, can I tickle your belly button from the inside?

That dress would look great on the floor next to my bed.

Do you want to see something swell?

Hey babe.. Can you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose?

Hey babe.. Can you suck start a Harley?

Forget that! Playing doctor is for kids! Let's play gynecologist.

Wanna play carnival? You sit on my face and I guess how much you weigh.

I love every bone in your body.. Especially mine.

If your right leg was Christmas and your left leg was Easter, would you let me spend some time between the holidays?

I am a magical being. Take off your bra.

You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

I miss my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me?

I looked up the word "beautiful" in the thesaurus today, and your name was included.

I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. So, will you smile for me?

They say love is a many-splendored thing. Let's make some and find out.

Hey baby.. Wanna lock crotches and swap gravy?

If you were a tear in my eye, I would not cry for fear of losing you.

If your parents hadn't met, I'd be a very, very unhappy man right now.

Anything drugs can do I can do with my tongue.

I couldn't help noticing you were a chick, and you know, chicks dig me.

What do you say we go back to my room and do some math: Add a bed, subtract our clothes, divide your legs, and multiply.

I'm not trying to pressure you. I don't want to have sex without mutual consent. Oh, and by the way, you have my consent.

Excuse me, but would you like an orally stimulated orgasm?

I'd like to use your thighs as earmuffs.

I'd like to wrap your legs around my head and wear you like a feed bag!

Nice socks. Can I try them on after we have sex?

I'd like to get between your legs and eat my way straight to your heart.

If we were both squirrels, would you let me bust a nut in your hole?

I'd rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in.

First, I'd like to kiss you passionately on the lips. Then, I'll move up to your belly button.

Wanna go 50-50 on a rape charge?

Whip it out and show me what you got, so I can save the disappointment from later.

Are you lost ma'am? 'Cause Heaven's a long way from here.

Have you ever played leap frog naked?

Pick a number between 1 and 10. Sorry, you lose, now take off your clothes.

It's not just going to suck itself.

What does it feel like to be the most beautiful girl in this room?

I bet you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

Hmmmm. . . . might have to try that one. . .

-Bad Brad

Hmmmm. . . . might have to try that one. . .

-Bad Brad

lol sounds good to me, i'll probably do that too hehehehhe

Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.

lol, that is a good one, one of the few i haven't heard before

lmao, I know a guy thats tried a few of these and stil hasn't learned  ::)

whats a Braille?

whats a Braille?

Braille is the "language" for blind people, you know those little bump patterns

Ohh....now I get it. Those things I see infornt of the room numbers at hotels and elevators.

whats a Braille?

try to guess what he was "pressing" hehehehehe

the name tag?

ARG! ! ! Not quite, maybe there was no nametag, and you tried to touch what was behind the nametag (Only works on a girl, unless you want to be looked at really wierd by everyone. . .)

lol

ARG! ! ! Not quite, maybe there was no nametag, and you tried to touch what was behind the nametag (Only works on a girl, unless you want to be looked at really wierd by everyone. . .)

lol