I'm responsible for what I say, not what you understand.
Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.
My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.
It's not my age that bothers me; it's the side effects.
I'm not saying I'm old and worn out, but I make sure I'm nowhere near the curb on trash day.
As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing: It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
As I've gotten older, people think I've become lazy. The truth is I'm just being more energy efficient.
Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.
I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.
Sometimes God puts you in the same situation again to see if you're still a dumbass.
There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite
Keep smiling
Tug
