Dad Jokes?

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Dad Jokes?

Postby Hoorf » Tue Dec 04, 2018 11:59 pm

They're clean...unlike Uncle Fred's stuff.

Someone hung a Cohiba on my front door and took a spray bottle to it. I now have a humidor.

Next...
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Re: Dad Jokes?

Postby Hoorf » Wed Dec 05, 2018 12:58 pm

What did the VASI say to the 'princess' female aviator on approach?

"I ain't your PAPI." :shock:
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Re: Dad Jokes?

Postby Hawkeye07 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:41 am

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, 'No, just leave it in the carton! :o
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If it moves and it's not supposed to - use the Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and it's supposed to - use the WD40.

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Re: Dad Jokes?

Postby Hoorf » Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:04 pm

Two commands you'll never hear at a nuclear physicist's boot camp:

(1) "Up and atom!"
(2) "Fall out!"

----------------

There's a new book out on prison life: "Living on the Inside", by Danny Mora and Al Catraz

----------------

My boy, in the Army back in 2010, was stationed near Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, which was jokingly called by the soldiers "al-Qatraz"

----------------

"You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose-wheel,
With four sloppy lugnuts and no spare in the heel;
That Goodyear Run-Flat took out my mudflap,
Caught air and caused brakes to squeal,
You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose-wheel..."
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Re: Dad Jokes?

Postby Hawkeye07 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:27 pm

Hoorf wrote:Two commands you'll never hear at a nuclear physicist's boot camp:

(1) "Up and atom!"
(2) "Fall out!"

----------------

There's a new book out on prison life: "Living on the Inside", by Danny Mora and Al Catraz

----------------

My boy, in the Army back in 2010, was stationed near Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq, which was jokingly called by the soldiers "al-Qatraz"

----------------

"You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose-wheel,
With four sloppy lugnuts and no spare in the heel;
That Goodyear Run-Flat took out my mudflap,
Caught air and caused brakes to squeal,
You picked a fine time to leave me, Loose-wheel..."



:lol: :lol: :lol: Excellent!!
Image

An Aircraft Mechanic only needs two tools, Duct Tape and WD40.
If it moves and it's not supposed to - use the Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and it's supposed to - use the WD40.

Intel(R) i5 CPU 750 @ 2.67GHz, P55M-UD4, GeForce GTX960 8.00 GB RAM, Windows 7 Ultimate (32 bit & 64 bit on separate HDs)
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Re: Dad Jokes?

Postby Hoorf » Thu Dec 06, 2018 2:49 pm

Hawkeye07 wrote: :lol: :lol: :lol: Excellent!!


As was your contribution, Kind Sir! Just sittin' here, bored outta my skull, touching up a repaint, waiting for spring, trying not to snack, LOL. Trying to keep a 36-inch waist from going to 38. Waist not, want not.
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Re: Dad Jokes?

Postby Hawkeye07 » Thu Dec 06, 2018 9:08 pm

Hoorf wrote:
Hawkeye07 wrote: :lol: :lol: :lol: Excellent!!


As was your contribution, Kind Sir! Just sittin' here, bored outta my skull, touching up a repaint, waiting for spring, trying not to snack, LOL. Trying to keep a 36-inch waist from going to 38. Waist not, want not.


I hear you! Same here, 36" and 195 lbs (formerly 33" and 175 lbs) trying to get back to 34" but leftover Halloween candy will be the death of me yet.
Let's not even think about Christmas cookies and fruit cakes etc...... :o
Still waiting for Old Man Winter to drop the hammer on KAXN. Haven't had more than a couple inches of snow so far but we know it's coming. We've been extremely lucky so far.
Image

An Aircraft Mechanic only needs two tools, Duct Tape and WD40.
If it moves and it's not supposed to - use the Duct Tape.
If it doesn't move and it's supposed to - use the WD40.

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Re: Dad Jokes?

Postby Hoorf » Fri Dec 07, 2018 2:49 pm

We got 2.5 inches (6.25 cms) of snow so far, then it got 'crisp' outside: plunged to 11F (-12C), turning the slush "chunky". Speaking of...the 36-inch waist decided to go snug on me, gotta do sit-ups. Yay. Not sure how this is happening, since I finished oral surgery in September to remove all teeth and am currently healing for dentures. Odd...

Anyhoo, back to da punz.

Speaking of food, I've been experimenting with a dish I call "Chicken Napoleon". It's not too hard to make, you just need to remove all the bony-parts.

What did Josephine cry out to Napoleon as he rode off to Waterloo? "Don't get blown apart, Bonaparte!"

A friend of mine lost his SUV while trying to trailer his boat at the harbor. 'Burban in water.

Over across the state border from Ontario, Oregon, I went to a small town to look at a car, then headed over to their espresso shack for a mocha. The gal made a sumptuous mocha, and I paid her double for it. She looked at me and said "Why are you doing this?", to which I replied "Well, I believe in 'Payette' Forward."

Why do Chun King Chinese dinners remind me of tropical birds? Two cans. :lol:
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Re: Dad Jokes?

Postby yancovitch » Sat Dec 08, 2018 12:01 pm

ha......try being a vegetarian (for 45 years), mostly eliminating salt and sugar ha..........have a lot more respect for drug addicts......
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