Where does the general keep his armies?
The given answer is "with his sleevies" but a major part of them are concerned with his private issues.
How does an octopus go into battle?
They said, "well-armed" -- but he sets up camp with his tent tackles.
What's the best thing about Switzerland?
Their only reply was that "its flag is a big plus" -- but that's only if you consider it's a big plus to be in the red.
Where do you find a cow with no legs?
"Right where you left it." I've a beef with this... it's just not right.. how can you lose and strand a cow like this to begin with?
Why aren't koalas actual bears?
"They don't meet the koalafications." Of course they meet the koalafications! What they don't meet is the bear facts.
A bear walks into a restaurant, "I want a grilled... ...cheese."
' "What's with the pause?" the waiter asked.'
' "What do you mean," the bear replied, "I'm a bear!" '
For the ability to talk and its common sense, the waiter has to hand it to the bear.
What's E.T. short for?
"Because he's only got little legs" -- and even those are out of this world.
Two men meet on opposite sides of a river.
'One yells, "I need you to help me get to the other side!" '
'The other replies, "You're already on the other side!" '
Forget the yelled communique, I'm still stuck with the scenario:
while they're on opposite sides of the river, they aren't going to actually 'meet'.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
"One's very heavy and the other is a little lighter."
Also, the zippo doesn't swim or float -- in fact, it's quite useless in water.
What did the right eye say to the left eye?
"Between you and me, something smells."
This is assuming they're on the same face with the same face value --
however, it's also better to see eye to eye than to stick your nose where it doesn't belong.
