Simviation Forums

When you are 75.......

I was standing at the bar at the Cruise Terminal one night minding my own business.
This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?"

I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?"

She said, "Yeah, I got a pen".

I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."

Cost me 6 stitches...but,

When you’re seventy five..............who cares?



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I went to the drug store and told the clerk "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Lady Clerk: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?”

I said "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

When you’re seventy five.............who cares?



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I was talking to a young woman in the Cruise Terminal last night.

She said, "If you lost a few pounds, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right.”

I said, “If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.”

Cost me a fat lip, but...

When you’re seventy five..............who cares?



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I was telling a woman at Jericho Tennis Club about my ability to guess what day a woman was born just by feeling her breasts

"Really" she said, "Go on then... try."

After about thirty seconds of fondling she began to lose patience and said, "Come on, what day was I born?"

I said, "Yesterday."

Cost me a kick in the nuts, but...

When you’re seventy five...............who cares?



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I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today.

he lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

When you’re seventy five...............who cares?



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I went to our bar at the Cruise Terminal last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table.

I said, "Good legs."

The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"

I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Cost me 6 more stitches, but...

When you’re seventy five..............who cares?

Keep smiling
Tug

Great stuff there. Real chokers, so don't read 'em while yer havin' lunch.

................... i just thought of one..may be original......i imagined me going up to a fat girl and saying...gee, you're quite pretty, why did you let yourself go?...she says, i'm not fat ...i'm pregnant.........and i respond....like i said you're quite pretty....why did you let yourself go?

Love em that'll be me in 14yrs time


Cheers
Rich

Thanks a lot Tug.
I started laughing but the laughing
became coughing.

I am still coughing.
Simviation will be the death of me.Lol.Hack Hack.

Anthin.

loved the table one.............

Those are hilarious Tug!
Reminds me of the time I was at the 32nd street Chief Petty Officer's in San Diego. A friend of mine asked this fat chic at the table next to us to dance
and she looked over at our third cohort and said "I want to dance with the cute one." To which he replied "I'm terribly sorry but I'm on medical limited duty and I can't dance with anyone outside my own weight class." So she got up and danced with the first guy. Right in the middle of the slow dance she stopped and said to my friend " He called me fat!"
He didn't blink an eye and said "Well darlin' you are!" She turned and left the dance floor and left him standing there looking like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

My coughing is getting worse.If I
laugh anymore I think I will do myself an
injury.

Anthin.

When I stopped at a red light, a lady of the night approached me and asked if I wanted to party, I said "sure, but it would cost you $75".
She got pissed and started to yell so to calm her down I said "and if you want to get on top, it will be an extra 25 because you're a Little overweight".

I had to run the red light.