The Golfer's Transplant

[Webb]

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.

Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him. "I have some good news and some bad news, "says the surgeon." The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"

"Oh God no!" cries the man "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?" "The good news is,I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm. I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."

"Go for it doc," says the man," as long as I can play golf again."

The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course when he bumped into the surgeon.

"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon. "Just great," says the businessman. "I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting has really improved."

"That's great," said the surgeon.

"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolours."

"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success. Are you having any side effects?"

"Well, just one problem," said the golfer," every time I get an erection I also get a headache.

[Steve M]

That one makes me think of a movie released in 1984. 'All of me' starring Steve Martin and Lilly Tomlin.. The girlfriend and I just spent an hour watching you tube bits of it. Very funny!

[Fozzer]

:clap: That one makes me think of a movie released in 1984. 'All of me' starring Steve Martin and Lilly Tomlin.. The girlfriend and I just spent an hour watching you tube bits of it. Very funny!

..what's with this; "Girlfriend" malarkey, Steve?.... ... ....!

Sounds a bit dangerous to me!... ...!

After two previous disasters, I finally gave up the idea 37 years ago...

If ever I get the "urge" now, I just go to Sainsbury's Supermarket and do a spot of Shopping instead... ...!

..other folks apparently go Golfing.. ...!

Problem solved... ...!

Paul... ...!

[Steve M]

She would be #4 Paul. I'll get it right sooner or later.
We are looking around for a marshmallow farm in the country and retire happily ever after..

[Webb]

A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.
One is a golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.
He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.
Here's your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.
About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles.
He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor.
He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life!"

He then turns to the golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there!"

[Fozzer]

A circus owner ran an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up.
One is a golfer in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous blond in her mid-twenties.

The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion.
He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good or you're history.
Here's your equipment -- chair, a whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?"

The girl says, "I'll go first."

She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage.
The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her.
About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.

The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles.
He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.

The circus owner's jaw is on the floor.
He says, "I've never seen a display like that in my life!"

He then turns to the golfer and asks, "Can you top that?"

The tough old golfer replies, "No problem, just get that lion out of there!"

Webb...

...is your new Wife aware of your desire to be a Lion Tamer?.... ... ...!

Paul... ... ...!