Condoms don't guarantee safe sex! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot dead by the woman's husband.
A Government survey has shown that 91% of illegal immigrants come to Britain so that they can see their own doctor.
Due to the current economic crisis, Greece is cancelling all production of humus and taramasalata; It's a double dip recession.
A dwarf goes to a very good but very busy doctor and asks "I know you are busy but do you treat dwarves?" The doctor replies "Yes, but you will have to be a little patient".
In hindsight I should have posted my Facebook status as;
"I've blown the head gasket on my 1997 XR3i" rather than "I've just buggered a 14 year old escort".
The police still haven't seen the funny side, my laptop's been confiscated and my wife has gone off to her mother's.
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