Selection of exam answers, part 1

[whitley]

Believe it or not, below is a selection of answers given by 16 year old students in some science exams. God help us in our old age.


"Momentum: What you give a person when they are going away."

"Planet: A body of Earth surrounded by sky."

"Thunder and Lightning: You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it you got hit, so never mind."

"In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's."

"Sun Clocks: Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers."

"The Sun: Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.'

"Magnet: Something you find crawling all over a dead cat."

"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

"Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."

"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off.
The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."

"A permanent set of teeth consists of eight canines, eight cuspids, two molars, and eight cuspidors."

"A fossil is an extinct animal. The older it is, the more extinct it is."

"Equator: A menagerie lion running around the Earth through Africa."

"Germinate: To become a naturalized German."

"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water"

"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state"

"Liter: A nest of young puppies."

"Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand."

"Home is where the house is."

"Vacuum: A large, empty space where the pope lives."

"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

"A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

"Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote."

"Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative."

"For a nosebleed: Put the nose much lower then the body until the heart stops."

"For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it."

"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

"The body consists of three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abominable cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o and u."

"Love is that first feeling you feel before all the bad stuff gets in the way."

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."

[machineman9]

Some of those are very clever, and some of them are indeed very true. Actually, only one is true, and the rest are a bit silly 

[patchz]

"When you breathe, you inspire. When you do not breathe, you expire."

Makes sense to me.

[CHUCK79]

I love

[DaveSims]

"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide"

You have no idea how many 911 we calls we receive for people who smell carbon monoxide in their home.

[beaky]

   
Mark Twain could have come up with some of those; even the true ones are pretty funny.

[patchz]

[quote]

[H]

If Samuel Clemens and Teddy Roosevelt met up and had a private conversation, say around the turn of the century, I would loved to have been a fly on the wall....
with a tape recorder.

Perhaps a stickier trick than you realize: in those days a tape recorder would have consisted of paper tape and a pencil/ink pen.


"In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's."
O, I didn't realize I H was so numerous... :-?
...but, of course, it was stated that's if I'm greatly magnified

Artificial insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."
The attempt with the bull results in the reality of decimation and the farmer's dissemination.

Germinate: To become a naturalized German.
My, and I thought it was something they'd eaten..

8-)

[patchz]

If Samuel Clemens and Teddy Roosevelt met up and had a private conversation, say around the turn of the century, I would loved to have been a fly on the wall....
with a tape recorder.

Perhaps a stickier trick than you realize: in those days a tape recorder would have consisted of paper tape and a pencil/ink pen.

8-)

I was planning on taking one with me in my time machine.