How to determine if you are an engineer:
[edit]You care about how many characters I have remaining[/edit]
The only jokes you receive are through email (OUCH!)
At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string of Christmas lights
Buying flowers for your girlfriend/boyfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma
If you find that you have to often explain how to use the gifts you have given other people.
Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room
In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure
The Salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
You are always late to meetings
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling
You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.
You bought your wife/husband a new CD ROM drive for her birthday
You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
You can type 70 words per minute but can't read your own handwriting
You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
You comment to your wife/husband that her straight hair is nice and parallel
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects
You have Dilbert comics/paphanelia displayed anywhere in your work area
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
You have more friends on the internet than in real life
You have backed up your hard drive
You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
You know what http:// stands for
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
You see a good design and still have to change it
You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring
You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it
You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory
You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa)
You window shop at Radio Shack
You're in the backseat of your car, she/he is looking wistfully at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite
Your checkbook always balances
Your laptop computer costs more than your car
Your wife/husband hasn't the foggiest idea of what you do at work
Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz pentium
You've already calculated how much you make per second
You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio
Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4.Chocolate
People who work in the fields of science and technology are not like other people. This can be frustrating to the nontechnical people who have to deal with them. The secret to coping with technology-oriented people is to understand their motivations. This chapter will teach you everything you need to know. I learned their customs and mannerisms by observing them, much the way Jane Goodall learned about the great apes, but without the hassle of grooming.
Engineering is so trendy these days that everybody wants to be one. The word "engineer" is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you think is trying to pass as an engineer, give him this test to discern the truth.
ENGINEER IDENTIFICATION TEST
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked.
You...
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! That's funny too! 
