The good Lady and I were relaxing, watching a bit of telly and having a glass of wine last night about 10-ish, when the doorbell rang.
Off I trot, answer the door, and standing there are two tidily-dressed oldish women (well into their sixties), carrying clipboards.
Biddies : "Good evening, sir - would you have time to answer a few questions?"
Errr.....aye, all right then.
Biddies : "What type of bread do you normally eat?"
Errr....what? Are you pair for real? It's ten o'clock at night! But anyway....
Me : "I normally eat white bread. We all prefer white bread".
Biddies : "Have you ever tried brown bread?"
Me : "Yes, of course, but we all prefer the taste and texture of white bread".
Biddies : "Surely you're aware of the health benefits of eating brown bread? The extra fibre, the fewer chemicals used in the manufacturing process...it's just better for you".
Errr.....have I just fallen into an episode of The Twilight Zone?
Me : "Yes, I know all that, but I'd rather eat white bread. It tastes better, it toasts better, it's not as crumbly...."
Biddies : "Do you mind if we come in for a few minutes just to finish this survey?"
Actually, yes, I DO mind....but what the hell.
Me : "All right then, come in, but I've to get my kids to bed so I can't spare more than a few minutes".
So, in they come.
Biddies : "About this whole brown bread/white bread thing. White bread is positively bad for you. It is full of processed flour, loaded with harmful chemicals, it causes wild fluctuations in your blood sugar...brown bread, on the other hand, aids in the stabilisation of blood sugar levels, it's good for your digestive system, it's loaded with vitamins" etc etc...
Feck this, thought I. Who are these people anyway? I'm not going to be lectured to in my own house by two wrinklies.
Me : "Look, I'm sorry, but who are you ladies working for? Could I please see some identification?"
Biddies : "Of course! We're so sorry, we should have showed you these straight away!" and she handed me an ID card.
Turns out they were Hovis Witnesses.
That's my coat over there by the door. Cheerio.
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