Cabin Announcements II

[H]

No one airline has all the fun:

1. "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

2. The pilot welcomed,
"Delta Airlines is pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

3. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

4. Upon arrival, the flight attendant announced,
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

5. A flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing,
"We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

6. Another attendant said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

7. After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal."

8. After a particularly rough Memphis landing during a thunderstorm, the Northwest flight attendant announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

9. An airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the Passengers exited, smile and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline."  In light of the fact that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, fearing that someone would have a smart comment. Finally, everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane.  
She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot, What is it?"
The little old lady asked, "Did we actually land -- or were we shot down?"

10. A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax... OH, MY GOD!"
Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight attendant accidentally spilled a cup of hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach yelled, "That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"

[gottoflynow]

Seen 'em all...each and every one of 'em ...but they're always god to read.

-gottoflynow

[H]

Seen 'em all...each and every one of 'em ...but they're always god to read.
-gottoflynow

Probably as they were passing from Connecticut (where my uncle, who sent them, is) to here (New Hampshire).