ATC Humour

[Wingo]

Here is a collection of some real life ATC calls and their responses. Very amusing!!!

http://www.schiratti.com/humour.html

[beefhole]

Some new ones on there (for me), but mostly old.

[Souichiro]

Pilot: "Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo estabished ILS 16."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower."
Pilot: (short break) "Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker."
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!"
Pilot: (short break again) "Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?"
Tower: "You can believe me, this is Vienna!
Pilot: (once again short break) "But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!"
Tower: "Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava."

+ the KLM vs tower one!

[EGNX]

LMAO

ATC: "N123YZ, say altitude."
N123YZ: "ALTITUDE!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say airspeed."
N123YZ: "AIRSPEED!"
ATC: "N123YZ, say cancel IFR."
N123YZ: "Eight thousand feet, one hundred fifty knots indicated."

[AlphaBravo]

Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself."

[Scorpiоn]

Lost student pilot: "Unknown airport with Cessna 150 circling overhead, identify yourself."

Way to shift the blame off yourself!

[gryshnak]

Controller:  AF123, say call sign of your wingman.
Pilot: Uh... approach, we're a single ship.
Controller:  oooohhh!  You have traffic!



Controller: "Air Force 53, it appears your engine has... oh... disregard, I see you've already ejected."

[Ecko]

(busy) Moncton Center: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Chibougamau"
BAW169: "I'm sorry, sir, can you repeat that?"
CZQM: "Speedbird 169 cleared direct Yankee Mike Tango"
BAW169: "Direct Yankee Mike Tango for Speedbird 169. What was that name again?"
CZQM: "It's called Chibougamau"
BAW169: "Would you say again, please?"
CZQM: "Chibougamau. I say again, Chibougamau!"
BAW169: "Oh, how quaint. What does it mean?"
CZQM: "It's eskimo for f--- off!"

[cspyro21]

ATC:  Pan Am 1, descend to 3,000 ft on QNH 1019.
Pan AM 1: Could you give that to me in inches?
ATC: Pan Am 1, descend to 36,000 inches on QNH 1019

[emmanuel723]

very amusing

[matt2190]

Tower: "Delta Zulu Romeo, turn right now and report your heading."
Pilot: "Wilco. 341, 342, 343, 344, 345..."

[flyboy 28]

Cessna 152:  "Flight Level Three Thousand, Seven Hundred"
Controller: "Roger, contact Houston Space Center"

I like that one.