by bschott » Sat Jul 30, 2005 4:16 am
During a trial, the the DA objected to a line of questions, and an ensuing exchange took place until finally..
"You are a cheat!" shouted the Defending attorney to the DA.
"And you're a liar!", replied the DA.
The Judge in the case banged his gavel loudly to restore order. "Now that both attorneys have been identified for the record, let's get on with the case."
Attorny: What is your brother-in-law's name?
Witness: Borofkin.
Attorny: What's his first name?
Witness: I can't remember.
Attorny: He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?
Witness: No. I tell you I'm too excited. (Rising from the witness chair and pointing to Mr. Borofkin.) Nathan, for God's sake, tell them your first name!
Attorny: Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorny: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?
Witness: I refuse to answer that question.
Attorny: Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: Doctor, did you say he was shot in the woods?
Doctor: No, I said he was shot in the lumbar region.
Lawyer: What is your name?
Witness: Ernestine McDowell.
Lawyer: And what is your marital status?
Witness: Fair.
Lawyer: Are you married?
Witness: No, I'm divorced.
Lawyer: And what did your husband do before you divorced him?
Witness: A lot of things I didn't know about.
Lawyer: Officer, what led you to believe the defendant was under the influence?
Officer: Because he was argumentary and he couldn't pronunciate his words.
Lawyer: What happened then?
Witness: He told me, he says, "I have to kill you because you can identify me."
Lawyer: Did he kill you?
Witness (looking bewildered): Um.... No.
Lawyer: Did he pick the dog up by the ears?
Witness: No.
Lawyer: What was he doing with the dog's ears?
Witness: Picking them up in the air.
Lawyer: (a bit confused at the answer) Where was the dog at this time?
Witness: Attached to the ears.
Prosecuting Attorney: When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?
Defending attorney: Objection. That question should be taken out and shot.
Attorney: ...any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?
Doctor: The victim lived.
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for ten years. I even went to school for it.
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
