Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
Phyllis Diller
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Phyllis Diller
Keep smiling
Tug