Simviation Forums

 The Enema Within
2007 Darwin Award Nominee



(21 May 2004, Texas) Michael was an alcoholic. And not an ordinary alcoholic, but an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally. His wife said he was "addicted to enemas" and often used alcohol in this manner. The result was the same: inebriation.

The machine shop owner couldn't imbibe alcohol by mouth due to a painful throat ailment, so he elected to receive his favourite beverage via enema. And tonight, Michael was in for one hell of a party. Two 1.5 litre bottles of sherry, more than 100 fluid ounces, right up the old address!

When the rest of us have had enough, we either stop drinking or pass out. When Michael had had enough (and subsequently passed out) the alcohol remaining in his rectal cavity continued to be absorbed. The next morning, Michael was dead.

The 58-year-old did a pretty good job of embalming himself. According to toxicology reports, his blood alcohol level was 0.47%.

In order to qualify for a Darwin Award, a person must remove himself from the gene pool via an "astounding misapplication of judgment." Three litres of sherry up the butt can only be described as astounding. Unsurprisingly, his neighbors said they were surprised to learn of the incident.


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"What goes up must come down."

(20 June 2007, South Carolina) A 21 year-old couple was found naked in the road an hour before sunrise by a passing cabbie. The unconscious, injured pair was taken to the nearest hospital, where they died without regaining consciousness. Authorities were at a loss to explain what had happened. There were no witnesses, no trace of clothing, and no wrecked cars or motorcycles.

Investigators eventually found a clue high on the roof of a nearby building: two sets of neatly folded clothes, and nothing else. There was no indication of foul play, only of foreplay. "It appears as if [they] accidentally fell off the roof," Sgt. Florence McCants said.

Safe sex takes on a whole new meaning when you are perched on the edge of a pyramid-shaped metal roof.

This is a true Darwin Award trifecta: TWO people die, WHILE in the act of procreation, due to an ASTONISHINGLY poor decision. Bottom line: If you put yourself in a precarious "position" at the edge of a pointy roof, you may well find yourself coming and going at the same time.

Ironically, one of the deceased was named, "Tumbleston."


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Beer for Bears
2007 Darwin Award Nominee
Confirmed True by Darwin

(19 August 2007, Serbia) It's well known that alcohol impairs judgement. It's well known that carnivorous wild animals and humans don't mix. What happens when we combine all three? One might expect men, beer, and bears to combine with lethal consequences. Such was the case for a 23-year old man who inadvertently fed himself to Masha and Misha at the Belgrade Zoo.

The Zoo director said of the incident,
"Only an idiot would jump into the bear cage."

The man's naked, mauled corpse was found inside the bear habitat, along with several mobile phones, bricks, and plenty of beer cans. His clothes were completely undamaged, suggesting that he approached the bears bare-naked by choice. The bears, fearing that his intentions were as dishonorable as they were ill-informed, meted out a summary justice.

Later, Masha and Misha "reacted angrily" when keepers tried to recover the man's corpse, but were eventually persuaded to give up their tasty prize. We await word on how many beers were bartered for the body.

second one made me laugh!

i had read about the sherry enema's before thoguh

an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally.

At least his breath didn't smell in the morning after a 'drinking' binge. He could set the street on fire if he farted.......

Crash

an alcoholic who liked to take his liquor... well, rectally.

At least his breath didn't smell in the morning after a 'drinking' binge. He could set the street on fire if he farted.......

Crash

do you think he would pass a breathalizer test?

I have to blow on the tube, Officer? Wait, let me drop my pants.....

Crash

Oh the last one is great.


First one is just odd.

Of all the questions I have for guy #1 the one I can't get out of my mind is "why Sherry"?  Why not cheap swill Vodka or whatever has the lowest $/alcohol content?  Was taste really that much of a consideration?

Last year Croatia wins, this year Serbia. Hungary must try harder to keep up the Central European end We've only had a runner-up thusfar

god if you have an urge dont do it on the roof of a A-Frame house

Now if they could all be combined some how, that would definitely win next year. For example: A man tries to do it with his wife on the roof, but loses his balance because he is drunk on sherry enemas and falls directly into a bear pen.

Now if they could all be combined some how, that would definitely win next year. For example: A man tries to do it with his wife on the roof, but loses his balance because he is drunk on sherry enemas and falls directly into a bear pen.

that could only happen in the south

that could only happen in the south

Of England?

As a southerner, I must say that I totally resemble that remark.  ::)  You Northerners think you're so fancy with your schools and shoes and such...

that could only happen in the south

As a southerner, I must say that I totally resemble that remark.