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How do you like it?
Posted:
Fri Apr 25, 2003 6:02 pmby Squeek
Well here is my poem. Let me know how you like it. Also, If it isnt to much trouble can you post why you voted how you did.
Flying Peace
By Brian *******
Cross into the blue
Fly high as a cloud
Up there alone
Only with your machine
Maybe someone
On your wing
But you never give that a thought
Sitting in there is so tranquil
And you feel so free
All until you hear that ring
When you look behind
And there you see
Not a friend
But a foe
All that training
Then kicks in
Peace all of a sudden
Disappears
Then just a quickly as it left
The peace returns
Just after you had
The time of your life
Fighting for it
Ozzy let me know if it compairs to real or not? I gave myself a 4 with it because I think it could use some work but otherwise it is pretty good.
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Fri Apr 25, 2003 10:17 pmby BFMF
Nice poem.
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Fri Apr 25, 2003 11:04 pmby Splash
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Fri Apr 25, 2003 11:21 pmby Deputy
Nice poem.
Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"
Uh oh. . . .
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Fri Apr 25, 2003 11:41 pmby BFMF
Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"
Uh oh. . . .
I didn't think about that
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Sat Apr 26, 2003 5:28 amby Woodlouse2002
Never mind! Its still N.P.!
good poem too...
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Sat Apr 26, 2003 6:44 amby ozzy72
Brian, I've never been in aerial combat, but I liked the poem, not quite haiku or stanza I don't know what I would classify it as, but v.nice nevertheless.
Ozzy
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Sat Apr 26, 2003 9:11 amby Squeek
I think it would be classifed as a free write.
Each of the little groups (Ex.Sitting in there is so tranquil
And you feel so free)
Is a stanza if i remember correctly. Feel free to correct me if I wrong wiht any of this stuff. And thanks for the comments everyone.
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Sun Apr 27, 2003 9:48 amby Apollo32389
I think it needs more rhythm, but other than that, it's pretty good.
BTW, you spelled "auxilary" wrong. It should be "auxiliary" unless you're just trying to be different.
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Sun Apr 27, 2003 10:38 amby Squeek
I never said i know what it is like!
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Sun Apr 27, 2003 3:55 pmby Crumbso
Hhmmm some good use of language there but you need to get a rythnm into it. Try iambic pentameter I think it would go nicely. of course you may need to chonge some words but otherwise excellent poem.
I like haikus myself.
BERLIN
In The Dead of Night
Bomb Laden Eagles Descend.
While Jerry's in Bed
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Mon Apr 28, 2003 8:25 amby Fly2e
[quote]Posted by: scubapro Posted on: Apr 26th, 2003, 1:21am
on Apr 26th, 2003, 12:17am, Andrew N.P. Esselbach wrote:Nice poem.
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Mon Apr 28, 2003 8:53 amby Hagar
I've given you a 4. Well done.
Although I never understood this "loose structure" form of poetry I like it very much.
Apollo. I'm not aware of any rule restricting authors to describing what they have personally exerienced. If this were the case we would have missed out on many great works of literature.
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Mon Apr 28, 2003 9:40 amby Fly2e
Well said Hagar!
Re: How do you like it?
Posted:
Mon Apr 28, 2003 12:30 pmby BFMF
I really hate to mention this, but how would you know what it's like to be in combat?
Ever heard of virtual combat
CFS can get quite intense at times!
