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How do you like it?

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On a scale of 1 to 5 how would you rate my poem?

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How do you like it?

Postby Squeek » Fri Apr 25, 2003 6:02 pm

Well here is my poem. Let me know how you like it. Also, If it isnt to much trouble can you post why you voted how you did.

Flying Peace
By Brian *******

Cross into the blue
Fly high as a cloud
Up there alone
Only with your machine
Maybe someone
On your wing
But you never give that a thought

Sitting in there is so tranquil
And you feel so free

All until you hear that ring
When you look behind
And there you see
Not a friend
But a foe

All that training
Then kicks in
Peace all of a sudden
Disappears

Then just a quickly as it left
The peace returns
Just after you had
The time of your life
Fighting for it


Ozzy let me know if it compairs to real or not? I gave myself a 4 with it because I think it could use some work but otherwise it is pretty good.
Last edited by Squeek on Fri Apr 25, 2003 7:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....

Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby BFMF » Fri Apr 25, 2003 10:17 pm

Nice poem. ;)
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Splash » Fri Apr 25, 2003 11:04 pm

;DHey that is very, very nice!!!!  You have talent and I really like the way you ended it with the last two lines.  With feeling!!!! :) :) :)
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Deputy » Fri Apr 25, 2003 11:21 pm

Nice poem. ;)



Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"

Uh oh. . . .
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do when I come for you?

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Re: How do you like it?

Postby BFMF » Fri Apr 25, 2003 11:41 pm

Hmmmm, from "nice pic" to "nice poem"

Uh oh. . . .


I didn't think about that ::)
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Woodlouse2002 » Sat Apr 26, 2003 5:28 am

Never mind! Its still N.P.! ;D

good poem too...
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby ozzy72 » Sat Apr 26, 2003 6:44 am

Brian, I've never been in aerial combat, but I liked the poem, not quite haiku or stanza I don't know what I would classify it as, but v.nice nevertheless.

Ozzy ;)
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Squeek » Sat Apr 26, 2003 9:11 am

I think it would be classifed as a free write.
Each of the little groups (Ex.Sitting in there is so tranquil
And you feel so free)
Is a stanza if i remember correctly. Feel free to correct me if I wrong wiht any of this stuff. And thanks for the comments everyone.
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....

Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Apollo32389 » Sun Apr 27, 2003 9:48 am

I think it needs more rhythm, but other than that, it's pretty good.
BTW, you spelled "auxilary" wrong.  It should be "auxiliary" unless you're just trying to be different.
Last edited by Apollo32389 on Fri Jun 20, 2003 6:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Squeek » Sun Apr 27, 2003 10:38 am

I never said i know what it is like!
A poet, A virtual Pilot, and a member of Civil Air Patrol. Now if only.....

Current ride, a 1972 Honda CT70 with a 3-speed transmition w/ and automatic clutch. So far i've gotten it to do 40mph.
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Crumbso » Sun Apr 27, 2003 3:55 pm

Hhmmm some good use of language there but you need to get a rythnm into it. Try iambic pentameter I think it would go nicely. of course you may need to chonge some words but otherwise excellent poem.

I like haikus myself.

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In The Dead of Night
Bomb Laden Eagles Descend.
While Jerry's in Bed
Last edited by Crumbso on Sun Apr 27, 2003 3:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Fly2e » Mon Apr 28, 2003 8:25 am

[quote]Posted by: scubapro Posted on: Apr 26th, 2003, 1:21am
on Apr 26th, 2003, 12:17am, Andrew N.P. Esselbach wrote:Nice poem.
Last edited by Fly2e on Tue Apr 29, 2003 8:55 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Hagar » Mon Apr 28, 2003 8:53 am

I've given you a 4. Well done.
Although I never understood this "loose structure" form of poetry I like it very much. ;)

Apollo. I'm not aware of any rule restricting authors to describing what they have personally exerienced. If this were the case we would have missed out on many great works of literature.
Last edited by Hagar on Mon Apr 28, 2003 8:54 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby Fly2e » Mon Apr 28, 2003 9:40 am

Well said Hagar!
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Re: How do you like it?

Postby BFMF » Mon Apr 28, 2003 12:30 pm

I really hate to mention this, but how would you know what it's like to be in combat?


Ever heard of virtual combat ??? ;D ::)

CFS can get quite intense at times! ;D
Last edited by BFMF on Mon Apr 28, 2003 12:30 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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