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Goodly morning all...I think...

HAPPY NEW YEAR - ONE AND ALL!

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves
in the dryer for ten minutes; come out
wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller!

Last year I joined a support group
for procrastinators. We haven't met yet!

The day the world runs out of wine
is just too terrible to think about!

I don't trip over things, I do
random gravity checks!

I don't need anger management.
I need people to stop pissing me off!

Old age is coming at a really bad
time!

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was
a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels
like a small vacation!

The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to
write that down, I'll remember it."

Lord grant me the strength to
accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the
things I can & the friends to post my bail when I
finally snap!

I don't have gray hair.
I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just
very wise.

My people skills are just
fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs
work.

Teach your daughter how to shoot,
because a restraining order is just a piece of
paper.

If God wanted me to touch my toes,
he would've put them on my knees.

The kids text me "plz", which is shorter than
please. I text back "no" which is shorter than
"yes".

I like my middle finger best
because it always sticks up for me!

I'm going to retire and live
off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do that
second week.

I've lost my mind and I'm
pretty sure my kids took it!

Even duct tape can't fix
stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!

I like this next one -----

Why do I have to press one for
English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I
can't understand anyway?

Lord, Give me patience and give it
to me NOW.

Of course I talk to myself,
sometimes I need expert advice.

Oops! Did I roll my eyes out loud?

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into
a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Chocolate comes from cocoa which
is a tree ... That makes it a plant which means ...
chocolate is Salad.


Hope you all got a Monday morning chuckle...

Now the purpose of my post was to let you all know that five (5) days into the New Year I have not broken any New Years Resolutions...I did not make any...

"Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?"

Ain't that the truth. The worst are the fast talkers, chee, and do I mean FAST. Gimme a break and slow down. Happened more than once, don't remember with who, fortunately wasn't critical calls for me. It's always a guy, never a girl. Always polite of course, but hey, I made the call, I'm the one doing the real thinking, and I like to think slowly sometimes. Aauugghh!

Nice post, needed a chuckle today.

My people skills are just
fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs
work.

They were all great but that one really caught my eye

Keep smiling
Tug

These are hilarious. I'm going to send them to all my friends - - I'm sure they could all use a really good laugh after the holidays. When You have time please post more of this stuff. My 72 year old stomach muscles still hurt from laughing.

Thanks for the early morning laugh.

Anthin.

Right glad I could give you all a chuckle...

Press one for English.

How true that is. I won't mention where they come from but #%$$# is
a prime contender.

When you say I cannot understand you they hang up.

Anthin.