need some advice

[Craig.]

this has been bothering me for some time now, or at least since i found out i could do my flying lessons in the US. Now, where i will be doing my training is about 10 miles from my ex's home, and the question is do i go and say hello. we do still talk and i suppose could be considered friends, i wont go into any details of why we broke up but as sad as it is her mom had alot to do with it and i am stuck with do i confront her sort it out or do i just stay out of the way and not waste my time. what is causing the biggest problem is my personal stand point on people who have a problem with me, i respect people more when they actually confront me about the problems no matter what they are that way i can only improve myself not make the same mistke again blah blah blah. and to be honest with you she was someone i respected alot till she decided to go behind my back and bad mouth me to my ex and a number of other people which really doesnt sit well with me.  add to that my ex now is going out with some guy who is apparently very jealous all the time which doesnt make anything any easier but then again i also refuse to give up a friendship with someone i know better than pretty much anyone else. all for someone who apparently is to gutless to come to me with her problems and a guy i dont know jack all about. and no i am not looking for any sort of physical confrontation with him(after a long battle with a bad temper i finally sorted out my violent side and refuse to go back there) and i am not looking for any sort of major confrontation with her mom. so do i sort out the problem or not and do i go see my ex or not.
if i have seem'd down lately this is why. add to that A-levels and ground school a broken neck and having to do tons of work round the house its built up to the point where i need some help to at least clear that one problem and who better than my good friends at simv. at least then i can get back to something of a normal life.
thanks guys for any help and advice you can provide i am always hugely greatful for all of your help and advice
Craig

[Woodlouse2002]

Go for it. Go and visit her but give her warning about your arrival. That way you shouldn't get into an bad confrontation that you or her doesn't want to get into.

And if her boyfriend gets edgy then give him a black-eye, apologise and leave!

[Craig.]

oh she knows i will be there, but she hasnt said whether i should stay away or not thats why i am confused about it.
thanks woodlouse:) much appreciated

[ozzy72]

My advice Craig is let her make the first move. If she invites you then all well and good, but if not, then don't push your luck. Fractured skulls (frying pan related) hurt.
Trust me on this I've had my head battered a few times, and I've crashed and burned on a number of occassions too! More than I care to remember, mind you most of the time it was my fault...
If she still wants to be friends with you fine, but she has a boyfriend, and this troublesome mother, so my advice is enjoy life, don't let it twist you up, concentrate on getting your PPL, who knows there might be some serious babes at the field learning to fly....

Mark

[Craig.]

thanks ozzy
and trust me i learned how to duck early with her:) she tends to get jealous herself even when there is no reason to. i'll prob follow your advice its best way to go about it.  there is also another option but i would prob use that as a last resort. she works at a local restaurant on the front door i know what times she works(she told me, i am not a stalker:)) so i could choose then to go see her, but again that would prob be as a last resort
like i said i will prob go with a mix of both of your advice.
its much appreciated
Thanks guys:)

[Professor Brensec]

After three wives/patrners (although only one was/is an X, as such), I say stay away unless there's a damn good reason not to.

My first wife and I had 3 children in common, so I had to at least see her occasionally, even though I had the kids, and I can tell you that there is never a need to see or speak to someone that your relationship is over with. But is it over?

If chance meetings occur, agree to be civil to each other. Beyond that, consider them as part of your history.

Hope this helps rather than confuses you, mate. But you need all the angles and the input so you can decide what applies to you and her and the prevailing circumstances.

[Craig.]

thanks brensec. and i apreciate it because as you said need all sides of the story:)
i think the biggest problem is the way it ended. its more messed up than destruction derby event. and the fact we still talk now.  and also my main problem is someone who i respected alot in her mom then basically turned her back on me and went behind my back, and not having the guts to go face to face with me about it.
thanks mate:)

[Craig.]

this is one for all you physcologists out there, could it be ego?? before this happend i had what has to be the biggest ego known to man. i was always aiming to be the best at everything be better than everyone do things no one else i knew could do. and then along comes someone who for the first time stops me from finind out something about me and manages to do something no one ever has done before and actually get to me. really cheese me off
so maybe this is all ego
thoughts comments suggestions
all appreciated
all i know is i need this sorted so i can go back to the ego:)

[Craig.]

ok i have decided to just go for it and go see her. it aint gonna be easy i just got a recent pic from her and she has gotten hotter than she was which was already hot. but i dont think i am gonna let this drop till i have sorted this out and i doubt the chances of seeing her again after this trip will be very few and far between. I have also decided if her boyfriend does have a problem with me thats his tough luck i am there as a friend only and hey if he trys anything he'll wish he didnt.
now as for her mom thats going to be one of those things i will prob decide when i am there because as strange as it may sound she scares me more, and from what i can tell its prob best she does scare me as she is apparently still wanting to run me down with her car.
but thats another story:)
took some serious thinking though and hey i gotta do what i gotta do