Can't really argue with any point you're making, even though I'm one of the lazy bums you're complaining about ;D.
But...
It may be hard to understand how anybody who really wants to fly can use time or money as an excuse for a long hiatus, but in my case, part of it was waiting until I knew I could continue to fly at least a couple of times a month, as time (my work schedule is wildly erratic and unpredictable) and money (due to travel and other expenses associated with work, cash flow is also hard for me to plan with) are at a very high premium for me. Maybe I should've just scraped up the time and money every 90 days for that half-hour, but I just didn't want to do it that way.
Started my first BFR in 5 years with a ground session yesterday (see my thread in "Real Aviation"); was so uncertain on some things (didn't study well enough- I'll admit a certain laziness there; thought I still knew most of that stuff), we're doing another ground session before we fly. Some of the questions I "failed" were way-out, left-field things, but he discovered a general unfamiliarity with the FAR/AIM, and really dug in there to reveal some haziness on the more practical stuff. Even if I'd stayed "current" with 3 landings per 90 days, without studying, I'd have found myself in the same situation.
I'm certain the flight portion will go better than the oral, which goes to show that there's a whole lot more to currency/competence than merely fulfilling the 3-landings requirement every 90 days... gotta keep studying!
You might notice that I'm not exactly arguing with you here...
I don't blame anyone but myself, and I am glad this CFI is not going easy on me.
As for your 3 questions:
At the beginning, I asked myself those questions, and the answer to each was "yes". #s 1 and 2 worked out OK; I scrimped and worked and let other things slide to make that happen... but #3 is not so easy for all of us, although in the beginning, I felt sure I could do it.