Flying practice ??

[Smoke2much]

Last night my wife and I watched Bruce Almighty and in the process drank about one bottle of Red wine each.  We also had a Chinese takeway which was very nice indeed.  You may ask yourselves what this has to do with a Flight Sim Forum but give me a moment and I'll ramble to the point.

This morning my Daughter (Abi, 4 & 3/4s) decided that 06.50 AM was the right time for Daddy to rise and shine and jumped on my chest until I got with the program.  She's scarier than Shelob, she gives the drill instructer from Full Metal Jacket a run for his money.  I got up and instantly remembered exactly what a red wine hangover feels like.  1 minute later and I remembered why the chilli beef may have seemed like a good idea but wasn't.  To put it bluntly I felt a little queasy, but life goes on so I bravely got Abi's breakfast and made myself a nice cup of strong coffee.  12 seconds later Abi informed me that she doesn't drink coffee so with some gratitude I gave her back her Wheeto's and took custody of my pick you up juice.

This left me in a bit of a quandry, it was only 07.00 AM and I had nothing to do but watch cartoons with my daughter or...  I would learn to fly Helicopters!!!

The PC was duly switched on and the simulator loaded.  On the opening screen I created a flight with fair weather using the default Bell helicopter.  Moving to the realism settings I ensured that everything was maxed out and strted her up.  Through the fugg of my early morning memory I remembered something about null zones and sensitivities needing to be set differantly for choppers.  I waited the few seconds that it takes to load up and then removed all of the Null zones from the various axes.  I also increased the sensitivites to maximum.  Stisfied that I had tweaked to the max I started again.

Before moving anything I realised the graphics looked blurry.  What was causing that I wondered?  Could I have reset the card settings?  I Alt-Tabbed to desktop and checked the NVidia bit.  Funny thing was that this looked a little blurry as well.  Hmm...  This required the one thing that I was incapable of.  Thought.  Suddenly the truth hit me and I rubbed my eyes.  That was an instant fix, I made a mental note to upload it as a tweak and Alt-Tabbed once more to return to my flying experience.

Realising that it may take a little concentration to get this right I decided to make a fresh cup of coffee and have a quick cigarette before I started, obviously retiring to the kitchen so as not to offend the little ones delicate lungs.  A few minutes late (I smoke quickly) my fresh coffee was ready and I was ready to master the art of spinny things.

I sat in the cockpit and looked at the control panel.  The first thing that I noticed was that I couldn't see past the control panel, it was too damn big.  I had a simple fix for that!  I hit W and reduced the clutter a little.  The togive myself a bit more of a chance I hit Ctrl-Z for some HUD action.  Finally ready I slowly advanced the Throttle/collective of my humble X-45 and waited for a response.  Nowt, nuthin'.  Bugger all.

This had me stumped.  Aeroplanes tend to spit themselves down the runway at the drop of a hat, this thing was glued to the runway firmer than a three week old jam sandwich stuffed behind the radiator by an enterprising 3 year old.

It required some more thought.  I retired once more to the kitchen to think things through.  There were no brakes on a chopper.  The collective and throttle were linked by the sim.  From previous experience (I'm no Heli virgin) it should leap from the runway quicker than a cat encouraged with a branding iron.  I thought back through the events of the morning in a logical manner.  PAUSE!!!

[Smoke2much]

I had no sound on as my lovely missus was in the room next door trying to sleep and Abi was watching the Telly.  For those of you that don't know four year olds I will give one bit of advise.  DON'T get into a "Who can be louder" contest with a four year old at 07.00 AM when mummy is trying to sleep.  You will lose, there is no doubt whatsoever.  Having no sound I had had no idea that the throttle was not responding.  As proud as anything I hit the P key.  You remember that cat I mentioned?  I did an impression of it.  I went straight up like a demented cat and glanced at the altimeter.  155 feet.  That was quick!  I pulled the throttle back and noted a teensy turn to the left starting to develop.  I corrected this with a touch of rudder and turned green at the resulting spin.  I then became intimately re-aquainted with the ground.  I think that the last thing that went through my virtual pilots mind was the rotor.

A few seconds later the sim had managed to get over my gross error and had restarted at ground level.  This time I would be canny.  I advanced the throttle slowly until I saw dust blowing up around me and then advanced it some more.  I started to drift to the right again so I tried to correct it with some ailerons instead of rudder.  Once again I made the most gentle of movements.  Once again the bloody thing shot across the ground and burned.

I was stumped.  A little voice said "Why did you do that daddy?"  I shrugged and explained that when I knew what it was that I had done, I would explain why I had done it.  Third time lucky.  The Sim again reset itself and again I gently advanced the throttle.  Again the Heli started drifting to the right.  I reduced the throttle slightly and attempted to catch it with the rudder.  I think that the resulting room spin was a result of the wine, I'll never be sure, a clear picture stands out of the heli nose down buried in the top of a tree.....


I reloaded with a cessna and happily chuffed about for an hour or two, I think I'll shelve helis for a few days, at least until I'm sober:)




Note.  I am aware that I should probably not have removed the Null zone for the rudder.  I am also aware that I should not opperate virtual heli's under the influence, belated or not.

Will

[X56SB]

i dont know but this has to be the longest post ever.

[Smoke2much]

It must be a record.  Sorry. :-/

[BFMF]

Don't worry, I enjoyed it

But now you know why pilots aren't allowed to fly under the influence

Keep practicing with the helos and you'll get it

Also, turn the realism settings down so it'll be easier to fly

[JBaymore]

i dont know but this has to be the longest post ever.

Yeah.... it might even be longer than some of mine........ but it is a good read   .

Will..... you missed your calling.  You should have been a writer.  You might think about packaging up a piece like this and submitting it to one of either the print media FS mags or one of the virtual mags.

best,

..................john

[Skittles]

Keep practicing! I've been trying to fly helos for about three months and I can finally land one. Not neccessarily where I want to land, but I can land.

Joe

[Billerator]

Yeah I think Johns right, you should try writing, certainly got me reading it  :) .

I found that its alot easier with the 3-d glasess, before I had a real problem trying figure out my height ( its not easy to fly a helo on instruments only, the annual crash reports kind of confirm that ).

I still find it very hard to judge exactly where I am. Im thinking of buying the track-IR gizmo.

[MattNW]

Other than the "Bottle to Throttle" rule I think part of your problem was the realism settings. FS Flight Sims are a little too real with full realism. Try setting it down about one notch below max realism. It'll make the helos a lot more manageable.

Oh and try flying sober too.  ;D


If you are real interested in learning the helos then try one of  the virtual helo schools.