by FlexibleFlier » Wed Jan 06, 2016 7:44 am
Dogs vs. Cats
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...
8:00am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00pm Blue Dog Bakery treats! My favorite thing!
7:00pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00pm Wow! Watched TV with my people! My favorite thing!
11:00pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity…
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash-or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something to keep up my: strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I bad hoped that this would strike fear in their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter” I am. The imbeciles.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement. However, I could bear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies”. I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow – but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems more than willing to return.
He is obviously not all there.