Missing Wife

[OldAirmail]

A husband went to police station to report his missing wife:

Husband : I’ve lost my wife, she went shopping yesterday and has still not come home.

Sergeant : What is her height ?

Husband : Oh, 5 something . . .

Sergeant : Build?

Husband : Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant : Color of eyes?

Husband : Never noticed.

Sergeant : Color of hair?

Husband : Changes according to season.

Sergeant : What was she wearing?

Husband : Dress/suit/blue jeans -- I don’t remember exactly.

Sergeant : Did she go in a car?

Husband : yes.

Sergeant : What kind of car was it?

Husband : 2015 Corvette Stingray 3LT with the Z51 Performance Package, shark gray metallic paint, with the 6.2 litre V8 engine with Direct Injection generating 460 HP. 8-speed paddle-shift automatic transmission, and GT bucket seats, and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.……………. at this point the husband started crying...

Sergeant : Don't worry sir.......We’ll find your car.

[Speed of flight]

I had a good laugh over that one. Had to tell you about it. Additionally, my wife also chuckled. I figure you should know that, too.
Now to check on my Harley...
Where'd my wife go?

...

[ozzy72]

[Webb]

automatic transmission

That is a sin and should be illegal. If it had a manual transmission this whole messy episode could have been avoided.

[OldAirmail]

I hate to tell you this, but some women can drive standard shift.

They usually learn to do so after they sign the divorce papers assigning them the truck and everything else the man used to have.


And usually they do it while the man is watching and listening to the gears grinding.

[Hawkeye07]

You'll might find this hard to believe but my wife learned to drive in the mid '60's (1960's that is) and has always driven a stick shift auto up until 2005 when we bought our Dodge Caravan and then I had to teach her how to drive an automatic.
Now if I can just get her to take her foot off the gas when she's trying to pull into the garage...


Hawkeye

[logjam]

Reminds me of the other day at the seniors center. George walked in after a couple of months absence. Fred asked him if the rumour was true that he got Married. George nodded and answered gruffly "Yep." Jim asked him if we knew her, George said"nope." I asked if she was good looking, George replied"nope!" "Well" said Harry, "can she cook?" "Nope" said George greimly. "Well then" somebody chirped, "What do you see in her?" George almost shouted happily - "She can still drive!"

[PhantomTweak]

You'll might find this hard to believe but my wife learned to drive in the mid '60's (1960's that is) and has always driven a stick shift auto up until 2005 when we bought our Dodge Caravan and then I had to teach her how to drive an automatic.
Now if I can just get her to take her foot off the gas when she's trying to pull into the garage...


Hawkeye

I learned to drive at the same tie, Hawk, on a '57 Chevy stepside pickup. Yes, manual only. And ever since then, that's all I've ever owned, except a POS Vge I had once. The CHP has it now
My two vehicles I drive now, a 87 Toyota pickup and a 87 4Runner are both manuals. Only way to fly!

Pat☺

[Fozzer]

I finally gave up driving Motor Cars because of the infuriating local traffic jams.
I parked my Motor Car in my garage in 1990, and its hasn't moved ever since!
40,000 miles on the clock since new in 1982, and that's where it will stay.... ...!
I have little patience with other traffic..... ...!
2-Wheels (with an engine) for me, for the remainder of my days on this Planet....and no more traffic jams!
I just get wet and cold occasionally, otherwise its happiness on 2-wheels.... ...!
Disadvantage: A bit of a problem when it comes to carrying big things!... ...!

All my cars in the past, have had a manual shift-stick on the floor, and normally aspirated carburettors and spark distributors on their engines!

My oldest car, a 1931 Brooklands Riley 9 Special even had a starting-handle in the front, for winding it up!... ...!

Motor cars don't fascinate me any more!
I prefer Vee-twin engines, two wheels, and lots of shiny chromium plate now.... ...!

Paul.... ...!

Pat...I'm curious, regarding your (unfortunate?) contact with the California Highway Patrol, (CHP).... ... ...!

[PhantomTweak]

Pat...I'm curious, regarding your (unfortunate?) contact with the California Highway Patrol, (CHP).... ... ...!

Very teensy little interface on my part: I had driven from Yuma MCAS to NAS North Island for a class for a week. When I went to return (I left on a Saturday, had to be back Monday), I got a few miles down the freeway, and it started smoking, coughing, wheezing and sputtering. Kinda like I do now...

Anyway, I hadn't the money nor time to get it fixed, and besides, I didn't really like it. I'd spent $400.00 on it about a year back, and I figured I'd gotten my money out of it. I parked it in a parking lot near a sports arena there in San Diego (big, empty place) right on the freeway, grabbed my sea bag, and hitchiked back to Yuma.
About two months later the CHP sent me a form letter, saying if I didn't come get my car, which had been towed to Barstow, of all places, it was going to be sold at auction. I tore up the letter, and was happily well rid of the car
I thought the CHP did me a huge favor, actually

I finally gave up driving Motor Cars because of the infuriating local traffic jams.

I know exactly what you mean!! They can be terrible here in Chiloquin! I actually had to wait for 3 cars to pass before I could go across the highway the other day!! THREE!! I finally made it, thank goodness! It was terrible! Thought my poor little truck was going to get upset with me or something, having to wait so long!

Pat☺

[Hawkeye07]

You'll might find this hard to believe but my wife learned to drive in the mid '60's (1960's that is) and has always driven a stick shift auto up until 2005 when we bought our Dodge Caravan and then I had to teach her how to drive an automatic.
Now if I can just get her to take her foot off the gas when she's trying to pull into the garage...


Hawkeye

I learned to drive at the same tie, Hawk, on a '57 Chevy stepside pickup. Yes, manual only. And ever since then, that's all I've ever owned, except a POS Vge I had once. The CHP has it now
My two vehicles I drive now, a 87 Toyota pickup and a 87 4Runner are both manuals. Only way to fly!

Pat☺

Hey Pat!
I learned how to drive on a 1956 Pontiac station wagon (power nothing). My first experience with a stick was shortly thereafter when I bought a 3 speed manual 1960 Chevy Biscayne from a coworker. He drove me way out in the country to where it was parked, gave me some basic instruction and left me to my own devices. Amazingly I only stalled it out once and ground the gears three times before I got home back in the suburbs. I've had a combo of stick and automatics but I much prefer a stick shift especially here in the frozen tundra of Minnesota. It's just so much easier to control in winter driving conditions. My wife drives the van but I prefer our 1998 Ford Contour which has a 5 speed stick. It has about 135,000 miles and still burns rubber. Yeah, 64 years old and I still like to pop the clutch and stomp on the gas every once in a while. I just worry that I'll blow the clutch or something else catastrophic.

Paul,
Traffic drives me nuts too but here in "Bumpkinville" population 12,000 it's a rarity that you run into much traffic except maybe on summer weekends when the weekenders come up from the MSP to hang out at their cabins. Our biggest hazzard is the farmers who don't know how to drive on non-dirt roads or understand that a stop sign means STOP. I agree with your view of motorcycles. My one and only was a brand new 1981 Honda CB650. Very fond memories; sometimes I could kick myself for trading her in for a car even though it was on a new 1984 Renault Fuego with a 5 speed stick which I must say was one of my favorite cars that I've owned. Drove the Fuego for ten years until it got rear ended and totaled by a dirt farmer's daughter from Iowa who'd only been on the big city (MSP) highways for two weeks.

Hawkeye